Surrender

While I was at Camp Eagle (WHICH ROCKED! But more on that later), I had a really deep conversation with God. Everyone in the camp was given a small wooden cross, and we were challenged to write something on the cross that God placed on our hearts. Mine was 'Surrender'. I tend to plan. A lot. And I really felt God telling me that I need to surrender to Him. To stop fighting Him, trying to get around Him. And it took a figurative knock on the head to figure out that that's impossible. He is my plan. My future.

Along with 'Surrender', I also wrote on my cross the words 'Love', 'Worship', 'Peace', 'Missions', and my favorite Bible verse, 2 Corinthians 12:9. 'Love' to remember to love people like Christ loved us. 'Worship' because I feel like God is telling me to worship Him with everything I do, every day. Every action, every word, every moment is in worship of Him, so I better straighten up. 'Peace' is what I've been told one of my spiritual gifts is. That whenever I talk to people, they calm down, become peaceful. I've even had a moment when I was comforting someone when they were super upset, and I had my hand on their back. I could physically feel peace flowing out of my fingers and into the person I was consoling. They stopped crying in minutes. It was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. God told me to continue to use this gift, for everyone and anyone who needs it. I realized that it's not my gift. It's His. I wrote 'Missions' on my cross because for as long as I can remember, I've always been pulled towards mission work. God told me that one day, I'll have my chance. He even told me where He wanted me to go. That was an intense moment. Last, I wrote 2 Corinthians 12:9 on my cross. "He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect through weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." I've always felt like my weaknesses are something to be ashamed of. That if people find out about them, that they'll judge me for them. Every time I read that verse, I feel strengthened that God is being glorified through my weakness. So in a way, they aren't weaknesses at all.

<3

HOPE

I haven't written anything in a while. I've been in a rut for the last couple of months, trying to dig my way out, but never finding the right foot-hole to boost myself up. Everyone has felt distant. Hope seemed lost. It was, for a while, I suppose. Nothing was important -- everything was just . . . there. Nothing grabbed my interest, not even reading my favorite book or working on my novel. Which made me feel even worse. I've had to work on having a good attitude.

It's hard to cry out for help when no one realizes you need it. You feel it's an inconvenience, just silly to tell someone you're feeling down and need a pick-me-up. If only I had friends that noticed when I was sad instead of complaining about their own small trifles. "I don't want to work over the holidays!" "My parents won't let me go to the club..." "My mom is so unfair, she took my car away from me." "The guy I like doesn't know I exist!" Why can't you realize that those problems are so petty? I've listened to you go on about stupid stuff for years, and given advice. I can tell when something is wrong with you when no one else notices.

Why couldn't you tell that I've been depressed for seven months? I'm a good actress, but I can't be that good. I may put on a strong facade, but inside, I'm weak and crumbling.

True friends should know when something is wrong without being told. Which means I must not have good friends here. And that really stinks.

It turns out though, I don't need them. After having a long conversation with God a couple nights ago, my eyes have been opened. The kind of strength I need to get out of this can only be provided by Him, and though it may take another month or two to be completely depression-free, I can feel my old self coming back. My soul has been awakened. The things that I loved are finally becoming the things I love again.

I never thought I would get out of it, let alone feel the weight on my shoulders lessen. I thought there would be no hope. But there is hope. He's called the Lord Jesus Christ. He died on the cross for us so many years ago so that we could have hope of a better life -- eternal life in Heaven with Him. Dream has always been my motto. But my new motto? Hope. With Him, you will always have hope. All you have to do is surrender your life to Him.

So. One last time for all the other depressed teens out there.

There is hope.

Believe that.

He will pull you through whatever it is you're going through.

Take it from a girl who has been through it. I know where you are. And it can be so much better than what you're feeling right now. He is the only hope you have.

A Provincial Life. . .

I'm going to quote my absolute favorite movie.

"And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand, that I want so much more than they've got planned. . . "

"There must be more than this provincial life. . . "

Yep. My feelings in a nutshell. Beauty and the Beast is pretty much my life. . . well, up to the being the odd one out and not being accepted in society. I'm still waiting on the whole falling in love part. Yeaaaah. I'm probably most similar to Belle out of all the Disney Princessess. . . although none of my friends really realize it. Well, more like a cross between her and Ariel. . . but that's beside the point ;)

I feel like my life is too cookie-cutter right now. Monotonous. That people just put me in a category without really knowing me. The nerdy girl, book-reader, story writer. The unsociable one. I want out of that stereotype so badly. But how do I get out of it without trying to be a completely different person? The answer? Trick question. I can't.

How do I tell people that my plans for me are different then theirs?

I honestly don't know. If you do, please let enlighten me.

This is pretty rambly. . . but I mainly need to just blow off some steam.

:)
W.G.

I Don't Understand . . .

I don't understand . . .
Why the wind blows so fiercely
Why the waves crash so
Why the flowers die when spring is gone.

But most of all . . .
How God still loves us after all we've done
Why this heart-wrenching feeling won't go
Why guys must toy with a girl's emotions so

What I understand most is . . .
Why chocolate tastes so sweet
Why books are an amazing feat
Why love makes a girl fly above the clouds
Why we're surrounded by endless love

Am I a "Southern" Belle?

Okay. That title might be misleading. I really don't mean a southern belle, but a southern Belle as in the Beauty and the Beast Belle. I mean, think about it.

I'm always the outcast. I'm stuck in a tiny country town. Every day is the exact same. I prefer to hang with my parents instead of other people. Okay, I've never had a flock of guys drooling over me, or a jerk determined to marry me, but still. I'm independent (as a girl my age can). I want adventure and true love.

But here's the kicker; I don't know if I'm going to ever going to get out of here. I want to travel, I want to experience new things. I don't want monotony, I want spontaneity. Maybe that's why I write. To escape from everything here. Okay, maybe I'm being extreme. It's honestly not that bad. I know I'm extremely blessed with my life and the people in it, but I just want . . .

Change?

Maybe that's it. I don't know.

I just noticed the similiarities and got to thinking. I've been doing that a lot lately. Wondering into deep and off-topic thought. Thought I would share this one. Ha. Like you guys even care ;)

WG

The End, Yet Just the Beginning

It's the end of the year. And it feels really odd. Doing nothing but preparing for finals for the last week, and watching movies, which most I've slept through. Seeing the teachers taking down everything in their rooms makes me feel a bit forlorn. And knowing that almost all the teachers are leaving is kind of scary and sad, even though it won't effect me, going on to high school. I'll miss being the "big dogs" on campus, the comraderie with 7th and 6th grades, and the secure feeling that no one is judging me. But hey, God made me for me, so there isn't anything to be ashamed or insecure about. I think.

But, on to brighter subjects. I've been working on my novel a little bit. I need to get my character profiles down, but I've already been sketching my skelatal plot line, which is good! My summer is going to be full of writing.

Sorry for my rambling! But hey, that's what a blog is for, right?
XO
WG

The Desire ♥

.
The desire is strong, yet my faith was weak.
Yet the few simple words of a loved one brought me to reality.
If You give me the desire, it will happen.
Or the desire will be taken away.
This desire, is hopeful, loving, freeing.
Now I know, he’s out there, just waiting for me, hiding in the shadows,
Holding back for the right moment for You to reveal him.
You know where and how it’s going to happen.
You just can’t wait to give me my other half,
To see me loved and loving even more in Your name.
We’ll be stronger together, for You.
But the most fantastic thing of it all,
. . . . . . . . . You gave me this wonderful desire.