July is My Month

This month is going to be my month.

I will serve the Lord with all of my heart.

I will try to be selfless.

I will study God's Word every day.

I will love those who don't deserve it.

I will finally forgive those who hurt me.

I will lose as much weight as possible.

I will be strict with my diet and exercise regimen.

I will get my license.

I will work hard at every challenge that is placed before me.

I will not let negative thoughts creep in and destroy my confidence.

I will not complain in my circumstances.

I will rejoice in them.

July will be the best month of 2012 so far.

What will your month be?

Rebekah

<3

Matthew 5:4

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." ~Matthew 5:4 {the Message}

Hello, dear friends. I have no other excuse for not writing except for this ;; I've lost someone very dear to me.

On February 6, 2012, just after one o'clock in the morning, my Grandpa passed away. Ever since then, I've felt empty and overwhelmed with sadness. It didn't help that February 5th was a year to the day that my Grammy {Grandpa's wife} had left this earth as well. I had forgotten how a broken heart could feel so physical.

I haven't necessarily been mad at God. I know my Grandpa is in Heaven with his sweetheart and family. I know that it was his time. He was sad and lonely. It was best for him. I wish I could have one more hug. Hear him call me "Sweetie"one last time. It was about having more time with him. I've felt like there was a wall between me and God that I couldn't break. I couldn't pray about it. I didn't know how.

Now, after a lot of support from my family and friends, I'm finally returning to my old self. I found comfort from Jesus. I was truly embraced by His love. But for a moment, I'd like to talk about grief.

When I lost my Grandma, I was already in a deep depression. You can imagine how that didn't help out. There was one thing that everyone said that really got to me. "I'm sorry for your loss. Stay strong."

Stay strong.

A detrimental statement.

I know people mean well when they say that. They don't know what else to say. It seems fairly harmless. But to my depression-laced mind, it had a different meaning. Stay strong. Stuff your emotions down. Don't cry. Support your mom, she's the one who lost her mother. I never allowed myself to heal completely from her death until six months after she was gone.

I wish someone had told me that it's okay not to be okay. You're supposed to be upset for a while. Back in the day, you would have at least 3 months to mourn heavily. How do you expect yourself to be better within days? Of course, everyone deals with grief differently. Some people cry all day, some throw themselves into their work.

So, to everyone who has lost someone dear to them, let yourself grieve. It's not embarassing. It's normal. Please. It'll mess you up for a long time if you sutff it down. God is who you need to turn to. He can give you an unexplainable peace and carry you through everything. And remember, it's okay not to be okay.

I love and miss you terribly, Grandpa. Hug Grammy for me. I can't wait to see you in Heaven again.

~Rebekah
<3

Boys. . .

Ah. A girl's favorite subject, no?

Ready to learn about one of the things that makes me unique?

I don't date.

Yes, I am a (almost) 16 year-old that has never dated and doesn't plan on dating for a while.

And yes, I am aware that this makes me seem like a unicorn.

I've been asked why too many times by friends, adults, and even my own family. And I always feel kind of stupid when I answer them. Like I'm just strange for not having the desire to date. That I should have that desire like every other "normal" teenager. For a while, this led me to that path of "why don't I have a boyfriend?". Which all of you girls know is not fun to go down. But after some prayer and soul searching, the realization finally dawned upon me.

I'm not a typical teenager.

At least in matters of the heart, soul, and morals. I do have a sloppy room, I don't always get along with my parents, and I eat. . . All. The. Time.

But really. I kind of get the sense from God that at this moment on earth, I'm not meant to be dating. I'm here for something far more important and dating would only get in the way. What that important thing is yet, I've no idea.

So, I'll share my five reasons for not dating with you.

1) I've never been approached by a guy. Ever. No pick-up-lines, no flirting. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Which is really okay with me. I find flirting to be rather awkward anyway. I asked my mom and my best friend why they thought no one had attempted to flirt with me before. And they both agreed that I give off a certain air to guys that if they aren't serious, they better not even attempt to mess with me. Which I find to be a gift and a curse at the same time.

2) And as an add-on to One, I don't flirt. Like I said, I think it's awkward. And I'm awkward enough on my own without trying to impress a guy. I'm not forward. I don't approach guys. I personally think that it's the man's job to seek out a woman and try to blossom a friendship into a relationship. So I find that quietly crushing and waiting for him to seek me out is better. Because if he comes to me, we're both ready. If I run in head first, I will be but he won't be into it because it wasn't his idea.

3) I don't have the desire to be in a typical "high school romance". Call me old-fashioned, but dating is really for finding the man or woman that you want to marry. Why would you spend time in a relationship when you know that it's not going to last past graduation? Why set yourself up for heartbreak when you attend seperate colleges across the state and slowly drift apart? Maybe other girls are strong enough for that, but I don't think that my heart could handle it.

4) God hasn't awakened that desire deep in my heart. In Song of Songs, a woman warns other women to wait for God to stir up love in their lives, that He'll do that when they are ready. God simply hasn't put it on my heart to really want to date. He knows that I'm not ready to be in a relationship with anyone until our relationship is stronger.

And finallly. . .

5) The right guy hasn't come along yet. Now, believe me I have so many fantastic guys in my life right now. I cherish them all as dear friends. But I haven't found anyone who I would really want to date. Either I haven't met him or I just haven't looked hard enough. I have faith that God is going to bring the right guy into my life when the timing is perfect. I'm not saying that the first guy I ever date will be the one I end up marrying. The odds of that are very small. But each time a new guy comes into my life, God will have a purpose for the time that we will spend together.

So until the above circumstances change, I love being single. Dating is a beautiful thing, as long as it's treated right. My best friend and I love sitting in the mall watching couples go by. We really do. We "stalk" the cute couples at church and eat ice cream as we moan over our single-dom. But God has a plan, He always does.

So now you know one of the things that makes me unique.

:)

~Rebekah

<3