HOPE

I haven't written anything in a while. I've been in a rut for the last couple of months, trying to dig my way out, but never finding the right foot-hole to boost myself up. Everyone has felt distant. Hope seemed lost. It was, for a while, I suppose. Nothing was important -- everything was just . . . there. Nothing grabbed my interest, not even reading my favorite book or working on my novel. Which made me feel even worse. I've had to work on having a good attitude.

It's hard to cry out for help when no one realizes you need it. You feel it's an inconvenience, just silly to tell someone you're feeling down and need a pick-me-up. If only I had friends that noticed when I was sad instead of complaining about their own small trifles. "I don't want to work over the holidays!" "My parents won't let me go to the club..." "My mom is so unfair, she took my car away from me." "The guy I like doesn't know I exist!" Why can't you realize that those problems are so petty? I've listened to you go on about stupid stuff for years, and given advice. I can tell when something is wrong with you when no one else notices.

Why couldn't you tell that I've been depressed for seven months? I'm a good actress, but I can't be that good. I may put on a strong facade, but inside, I'm weak and crumbling.

True friends should know when something is wrong without being told. Which means I must not have good friends here. And that really stinks.

It turns out though, I don't need them. After having a long conversation with God a couple nights ago, my eyes have been opened. The kind of strength I need to get out of this can only be provided by Him, and though it may take another month or two to be completely depression-free, I can feel my old self coming back. My soul has been awakened. The things that I loved are finally becoming the things I love again.

I never thought I would get out of it, let alone feel the weight on my shoulders lessen. I thought there would be no hope. But there is hope. He's called the Lord Jesus Christ. He died on the cross for us so many years ago so that we could have hope of a better life -- eternal life in Heaven with Him. Dream has always been my motto. But my new motto? Hope. With Him, you will always have hope. All you have to do is surrender your life to Him.

So. One last time for all the other depressed teens out there.

There is hope.

Believe that.

He will pull you through whatever it is you're going through.

Take it from a girl who has been through it. I know where you are. And it can be so much better than what you're feeling right now. He is the only hope you have.

A Provincial Life. . .

I'm going to quote my absolute favorite movie.

"And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand, that I want so much more than they've got planned. . . "

"There must be more than this provincial life. . . "

Yep. My feelings in a nutshell. Beauty and the Beast is pretty much my life. . . well, up to the being the odd one out and not being accepted in society. I'm still waiting on the whole falling in love part. Yeaaaah. I'm probably most similar to Belle out of all the Disney Princessess. . . although none of my friends really realize it. Well, more like a cross between her and Ariel. . . but that's beside the point ;)

I feel like my life is too cookie-cutter right now. Monotonous. That people just put me in a category without really knowing me. The nerdy girl, book-reader, story writer. The unsociable one. I want out of that stereotype so badly. But how do I get out of it without trying to be a completely different person? The answer? Trick question. I can't.

How do I tell people that my plans for me are different then theirs?

I honestly don't know. If you do, please let enlighten me.

This is pretty rambly. . . but I mainly need to just blow off some steam.

:)
W.G.

I Don't Understand . . .

I don't understand . . .
Why the wind blows so fiercely
Why the waves crash so
Why the flowers die when spring is gone.

But most of all . . .
How God still loves us after all we've done
Why this heart-wrenching feeling won't go
Why guys must toy with a girl's emotions so

What I understand most is . . .
Why chocolate tastes so sweet
Why books are an amazing feat
Why love makes a girl fly above the clouds
Why we're surrounded by endless love

Am I a "Southern" Belle?

Okay. That title might be misleading. I really don't mean a southern belle, but a southern Belle as in the Beauty and the Beast Belle. I mean, think about it.

I'm always the outcast. I'm stuck in a tiny country town. Every day is the exact same. I prefer to hang with my parents instead of other people. Okay, I've never had a flock of guys drooling over me, or a jerk determined to marry me, but still. I'm independent (as a girl my age can). I want adventure and true love.

But here's the kicker; I don't know if I'm going to ever going to get out of here. I want to travel, I want to experience new things. I don't want monotony, I want spontaneity. Maybe that's why I write. To escape from everything here. Okay, maybe I'm being extreme. It's honestly not that bad. I know I'm extremely blessed with my life and the people in it, but I just want . . .

Change?

Maybe that's it. I don't know.

I just noticed the similiarities and got to thinking. I've been doing that a lot lately. Wondering into deep and off-topic thought. Thought I would share this one. Ha. Like you guys even care ;)

WG

The End, Yet Just the Beginning

It's the end of the year. And it feels really odd. Doing nothing but preparing for finals for the last week, and watching movies, which most I've slept through. Seeing the teachers taking down everything in their rooms makes me feel a bit forlorn. And knowing that almost all the teachers are leaving is kind of scary and sad, even though it won't effect me, going on to high school. I'll miss being the "big dogs" on campus, the comraderie with 7th and 6th grades, and the secure feeling that no one is judging me. But hey, God made me for me, so there isn't anything to be ashamed or insecure about. I think.

But, on to brighter subjects. I've been working on my novel a little bit. I need to get my character profiles down, but I've already been sketching my skelatal plot line, which is good! My summer is going to be full of writing.

Sorry for my rambling! But hey, that's what a blog is for, right?
XO
WG

The Desire ♥

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The desire is strong, yet my faith was weak.
Yet the few simple words of a loved one brought me to reality.
If You give me the desire, it will happen.
Or the desire will be taken away.
This desire, is hopeful, loving, freeing.
Now I know, he’s out there, just waiting for me, hiding in the shadows,
Holding back for the right moment for You to reveal him.
You know where and how it’s going to happen.
You just can’t wait to give me my other half,
To see me loved and loving even more in Your name.
We’ll be stronger together, for You.
But the most fantastic thing of it all,
. . . . . . . . . You gave me this wonderful desire.

The Year's Best Experience

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As my knees hit the floor after another hard day,
I try to figure out who I am anymore.
My life feels desolate, empty, alone.
I cry out to You, in frustration, or maybe desperation.
I could feel You breathing Your peace upon me
And my heart feels cleansed again like so many times before.
I promise you my heart, my soul, my life, my mind.
I've never felt so moved before, never been closer to You.
And Your peace that cannot be described envelopes my soul,
And I finally realize,
You have me right where You need me.

Amazing chapel service today. :) Enough said.

An Ephesians 3:20 Year

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When asked what the young woman would say if she wished she could have an Ephesians 3:20 year, she replied,

"I want to have a drive for Him and for the Word. I want our family to be mended. I want to be able to bless my friends with His love. To be able to minister around the world. I don't want this aching feeling of waking up everyday and not wanting to get out of bed, or feeling sick. Like I have no purpose in my life. I want to want to wake up in the morning. I want to face the day with a smile, knowing none can go wrong with Him. I want people that have never heard the Word to be blessed with it. I want everyone in the world to have a chance to hear the Word, to have the chance to know Him and His immeasurable love and power. I want to live fully for God. I want to help others. I want my children to know and love God. And their children, and theirs, and theirs. I want a guy who loves me for my heart. Who isn't afraid to show his emotions or openly love me. I long to live up to God's expectations for me."

The class sat silent, stunned at the power of her words. A few wiped tears, others swallowed theirs. The young woman wiped her cheeks, her heart opening to God for the first time in a while. She felt emotionally drained, yet, a weight lifted off her shoulders. She had finally been able to pen her words, nail them, identify her worries. And she felt good about it.

The young woman, of course, was me.
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My God is Enough

I just started listening to a song, and it kept saying that God is enough for us. We don't need to fill that emptiness in our hearts that God fills with worldly materials, alcohol, drugs, sex outside of marriage, or anything else that gets in His way. In the end, He and where you stand in Him are all that matters.

God has been working in my life so much lately. Although at times, it's been frustrating, it's going to be totally worth it, I know. He has drawn me more to Him with every passing day, and I've never felt this strong of a presence from Him before. It's exciting, exhilarating, unfathomable.

It can also be a bit frightening. I don't know what He's going to do in my life, so it's kind of like I'm living on the edge. Not that I mind at all. Haha. But it's been heavy on my mind and heart lately to be a missionary to a foreign country, and everytime I think of it, my mind always goes to France. And it's pretty scary religious wise over there. But hey, wherever He needs me, I'll go. No questions asked.

Anyway. He has sent so many blessings my way. In the disguise of financial help for my parents, new friends that have helped me so much on my Walk, *winkwink*, my sister being healed of a non-curable disease (Thank you God!), and the little things. For a while, I was basking in His light so much, I was wondering how I deserved any of it.

But of course, in every beautifully painted picture, there are flaws. Like the whole fiasco at school this week. But I know that He only dished that out to me because He knew I could handle it. And He's preparing me for something in my future that deals with disappointment. And I did handle it. Maybe not exactly the way He would've liked it, but I'm past it.

So many frightening things have happened in my area in the past half-year. First we had a doctor murdered across our tiny town, then 5 people killed by a psycho family member, then we had a fight break out in a courthouse the next county over about a death sentance, and a woman was kidnapped a couple months back by her ex-fiance. AND the shooting on the steps of the capitol in Austin. The devil is screwing with our area lately, and I don't like it. All I can do is pray I guess.

I should probably stop ranting and go read my Bible. I just had a lot of this on my heart, and I thought this was a good place to let it out. :)

2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Prince Charming

In these days of mine,Prince Charmings are always in the movies
Seranading us Cinderellas,
Promising secrets that real life boys could never keep
They always sacrifice their lives for their beloved
And swear revenge on the villians,
Sweeping us up onto their horse, and riding off into the sunset
Too bad reality isn't as sweet as that, where the men force us to fight our own battles
And we must sit alone, singing love songs in our heads,
Wishing that Prince would step out of the screen,
And kiss our hand and whisper,
"You're not alone, my dear."

The Lonely Heart

When the days are long, and hours hard
Life seems to take away the joy of itself.
So sometimes when my thoughts reach an end, I don't know what to do, what to say, what to pray.
For who shall ever know but God Himself?
Except in those dark, deep depths of my heart,
Where love is minor, honor is great, laughs are strained, and greetings are late.
Yet sometimes during those gloomy times, the Lord lifts me up with the beauty of His work, by the Carpenter's hands.