I haven't written anything in a while. I've been in a rut for the last couple of months, trying to dig my way out, but never finding the right foot-hole to boost myself up. Everyone has felt distant. Hope seemed lost. It was, for a while, I suppose. Nothing was important -- everything was just . . . there. Nothing grabbed my interest, not even reading my favorite book or working on my novel. Which made me feel even worse. I've had to work on having a good attitude.
It's hard to cry out for help when no one realizes you need it. You feel it's an inconvenience, just silly to tell someone you're feeling down and need a pick-me-up. If only I had friends that noticed when I was sad instead of complaining about their own small trifles. "I don't want to work over the holidays!" "My parents won't let me go to the club..." "My mom is so unfair, she took my car away from me." "The guy I like doesn't know I exist!" Why can't you realize that those problems are so petty? I've listened to you go on about stupid stuff for years, and given advice. I can tell when something is wrong with you when no one else notices.
Why couldn't you tell that I've been depressed for seven months? I'm a good actress, but I can't be that good. I may put on a strong facade, but inside, I'm weak and crumbling.
True friends should know when something is wrong without being told. Which means I must not have good friends here. And that really stinks.
It turns out though, I don't need them. After having a long conversation with God a couple nights ago, my eyes have been opened. The kind of strength I need to get out of this can only be provided by Him, and though it may take another month or two to be completely depression-free, I can feel my old self coming back. My soul has been awakened. The things that I loved are finally becoming the things I love again.
I never thought I would get out of it, let alone feel the weight on my shoulders lessen. I thought there would be no hope. But there is hope. He's called the Lord Jesus Christ. He died on the cross for us so many years ago so that we could have hope of a better life -- eternal life in Heaven with Him. Dream has always been my motto. But my new motto? Hope. With Him, you will always have hope. All you have to do is surrender your life to Him.
So. One last time for all the other depressed teens out there.
There is hope.
Believe that.
He will pull you through whatever it is you're going through.
Take it from a girl who has been through it. I know where you are. And it can be so much better than what you're feeling right now. He is the only hope you have.
